I firstly must apologise for my absence, I took some time away from the blogs to focus on various issues in my life which I have now sorted and now I have much less negativity in my life.
For once I am in a good place. Really good.
Oscar has always had an issue with poo withholding (see previous blogs) but I think we are on top of it and its slowly getting better. We took him to see an out of hours doctor over a weekend as our normal GP don’t really know what they’re on about. We told him all the issues with his three-four days of not going, the holding it in so much he could barely walk, the horrific mood swings and violent outburst and he suggested the one thing we had stopped doing previously; movicol. We got told to wean Oscar off this because apparently the bowel becomes reliant, turns out, thats not true. So here we are a month or so later and he is going pretty much every day. He still has the odd tantrum, but what three year old doesn’t? He will take himself to the toilet, it doesn’t hurt him anymore and he is slowly beginning to understand to go every day. He is so much happier, evidently so are we.
Luna is now one! I have a three and one year old, my god is it difficult but worth it! Luna is learning so much. She can walk (has done since she was 9 1/2 months!) She can talk, her favourite words are – dadda, mumma, bye and more. She is much more advanced than what Oscar was, but I am so proud of her. I’d be lying if I wasn’t a little bit depressed that she is now one, but I know we aren’t done having children yet. Oh, and shes finally started sleeping through! She is still on Neocate because of her cows milk allergy but hopefully we can start introducing more diary in her diet in time.
I am now employed too for the first time in three years! Albeit only part time, because of childcare, but wow has it made a difference. I do get a lot more tired but mentally it is really helping me, keeping me occupied and getting a much needed break from the kids three-four evenings a week. I am back doing care work for vulnerable adults, I have missed it deeply. Oscar see’s me in my uniform and thinks I’m a nurse and says how pretty I look! Let’s face it with a wedding, a honeymoon and a house move in the near future I need all the pennies I can get. I am really lucky that I’m one of those people that love their job and enjoys going to work. I thought it would make my anxiety worse but its improved things drastically, I find that I am much calmer now too.
My anxiety is still there, in the distant thoughts, but I am coping much better. It helps that a lot of the negativity in my life I have erased and got rid of. True friends and family is all you ever need and I have learned that, its caused a few drama’s along the way but completely worth it to be in the place I’m in now. Don’t get me wrong I still have those “bad” days but they are a rarity now. I will still get the heart palpitations, sweaty hands etc but I choose to ignore it. I am better than this. I said in my previous blog I will beat it. I haven’t beaten it but it’s not controlling my life anymore. I have had no medication to help me, no doctors appointments nothing, I have found making changes to my lifestyle is all I needed. The kids are benefiting also, they are so much happier and calmer. I was indenial that I was the one ruining them, as such, and I didn’t want to accept responsibility for my actions. It’s only since my anxiety has been under control that I have noticed a difference in the children. The one thing from my anxiety symptoms I haven’t managed to budge is my consistent need to be early for everything but thats no bad thing, especially with my job it works in my favour and I get to spend time with my customers. I was skeptical about if it would ever get better but my own mind has proven me wrong. You don’t necessarily need medication or any medical intervention, the first step is gaining control of your mind, your thoughts and your actions the rest will follow. It’s all in your mind.
I just wanted to let all you know, that follow my blogs, that I’m doing okay, well better than okay. I’m doing great!