Living with anxiety part 2…

A while ago I wrote a blog about my anxiety and how it affects my day to day life. Well, for some unknown reason I can feel my anxiety getting noticeably worse, not just noticeably worse for me, but my friends and family too.

In a nutshell, here is what my anxiety looks like-

  • Sweaty palms – A common one for most anxiety suffers, yet it doesn’t bother me too much.
  • Hot flushes – These are somewhat new. At first I thought I was going through the change ridiculously early at 26, then I started realising it flared up when my anxiety takes over.
  • Loss of appetite – Again another common one for most.
  • Heart Palpitations – This was one of the earliest signs before I knew I had anxiety. These are still very much a part of my life and slowly getting more frequent.
  • Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) – My anxiety has a huge part to play with my IBS, when I’m having an attack it gets predominantly worse. Of course certain foods have a part to play too, but it is strange how my anxiety can have an effect in my bowel!
  • Headaches – I’ve never been a headache sufferer, but recently I find myself battling headaches weekly.
  • Shaking  – Every time my anxiety attack comes on, I shake uncontrollably and I won’t stop until my anxiety leaves.
  • Nausea – Again another common one.
  • Mood swings – The one that causes the most problems in my day to day life.  The one that affects every single person around me and is usually in the firing line when I want to snap or moan about something completely irrational.

Its hard to determine what causes me to have an “episode” but one of the things that I have learnt is timing and sticking to plans. I still have to be extremely early for appointments or meeting with friends. If the arrangement is made for an afternoon I will pace around the house until the time comes where I can leave stupid early to arrive still stupid early. If plans are cancelled at the last minute I will still freak out, uncontrollably. It sounds pathetic doesn’t it? How can plans being cancelled or timings have such an important role on my life? I wish I could explain it in more detail because even I don’t understand it.

Other than that my anxiety can manifest itself whenever the hell it feels like it. It takes over and it takes over so quickly too. I can literally just be sitting at home, nothing planned and all of a sudden “BAM” its there and I can feel my stomach turning, my hands shaking and getting sweaty and for what reason? Why does it do this? Then it escalates. I snap at the people closest to me, pushing them away. Then I moan I’m lonely and I want them. Then I want space. Then I want them and this is pretty much it I guess for the rest of my life. I see no escape.

It is getting worse and this terrifies me. How much worse can it get? I mentioned in my previous blog that I’m not taking any medication for it, as I don’t want too mainly. This still stands. I don’t want my brain to become reliant on a drug that has to balance the chemicals in my brain to make me feel somewhat normal. There must be a natural way I can beat this demon?

I am on a contraceptive which should help with the hormone side of things, especially when the time of the month hits but it doesn’t matter where abouts in my cycle I am, it will still happen regardless. I also have read and done research that exercise should help because of the endorphin’s it releases, I go for walks daily. I go for longer walks at the weekend and again that doesn’t seem to make a difference.

Is there any herbal remedies out there to help? I have to admit I am a little bit broken and I need a bit of help to mend myself. I am sick of feeling this way and quite frankly I’m mentally exhausted. My mind is in constant over drive trying to keep everything perfect to stop me going off the rails for mindless meaningless shit (wedding planning with anxiety is proving difficult!)

If anyone has any herbal remedies they can recommend then I am eagerly waiting. Thank you for reading my blog. Hopefully the next one will be more positive.

Do you have anxiety? What helps you manage?

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