So basically I’m a breast feeding failure and because of this I have never been judged so much in my life.
I tried to breast feed with Oscar. After a 39 hour labour, I’ll spare you from the in depth details, I was exhausted to say the least. I then had to go to theatre (placenta complications) for the first thirty minutes of Oscars life, so missed out on the skin to skin bonding and it was generally just chaotic and awful. I think thats why he never latched on properly. I carried on trying, desperately wanting him to latch on, I got midwives to help me, which by the way I don’t know if I was the only one to feel this way, but I HATED people interfering with me and wanted to do it my way (stubborn much?) and he still wouldn’t latch on. I tried expressing but didn’t have enough milk to give him. After all of this he then became jaundiced, probably my fault for not be able to feed him enough, so I had no choice but to start him on formula as he needed feeding every two hours to flush the jaundice out. I found the whole experience of breast feeding stressful and it made me anxious to try it again with Luna.
When I fell pregnant with Luna I was determined to give breast feeding another try. The labour went much smoother, only 30 mins and she was here and I got the skin to skin bond which I missed out on with Oscar. The most amazing feeling and one of the few times I have felt successful in my parenting was when she latched on with no problems. I can’t describe how I felt, but a part of me wanted to shove it up everyone’s judgemental arses and show them that I had done it. Unfortunately it didn’t last long as I couldn’t produce enough milk for her and she had all her reflux and milk intolerance problems that I moved her to formula. You’re all probably thinking I took the easy way out and I should have carried on trying to breast feed her by cutting out dairy in my own diet, but let me tell you, its one of the most mentally challenging things I’ve gone through. Its not easy to ‘relax’ into breast feeding when you had all the problems with the first baby and then not only do you have to feed a baby but you also now have a two year old who is jealous, needy and possessed by the devil because of the lack of attention.
There is so much pressure I feel on women to breastfeed. Screw the judgemental twats, do what you feel comfortable doing and always trust your instincts. Both of my children are being raised on formula and they are (so far) turning out to be just fine. Don’t ever feel pressured into breast feeding.Don’t think I’m bad mouthing breast feeding because in fact I admire all of you that have had successful attempts and are sticking with it. I had so many nurses that were horrible to me in the hospital forcing me to breast feed Oscar. The stress just became too much for me. Society should be supporting mums, not singling them out because they had to use an alternate method. So mums, carrying on doing what you’re doing, no matter how hard it gets you’re doing it and keeping your child alive.