Breast feeding failure!

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So basically I’m a breast feeding failure and because of this I have never been judged so much in my life.

I tried to breast feed with Oscar. After a 39 hour labour, I’ll spare you from the in depth details, I was exhausted to say the least. I then had to go to theatre (placenta complications) for the first thirty minutes of Oscars life, so missed out on the skin to skin bonding and it was generally just chaotic and awful. I think thats why he never latched on properly. I carried on trying, desperately wanting him to latch on, I got midwives to help me, which by the way I don’t know if I was the only one to feel this way, but I HATED people interfering with me and wanted to do it my way (stubborn much?) and he still wouldn’t latch on. I tried expressing but didn’t have enough milk to give him. After all of this he then became jaundiced, probably my fault for not be able to feed him enough, so I had no choice but to start him on formula as he needed feeding every two hours to flush the jaundice out. I found the whole experience of breast feeding stressful and it made me anxious to try it again with Luna.

When I fell pregnant with Luna I was determined to give breast feeding another try. The labour went much smoother, only 30 mins and she was here and I got the skin to skin bond which I missed out on with Oscar. The most amazing feeling and one of the few times I have felt successful in my parenting was when she latched on with no problems. I can’t describe how I felt, but a part of me wanted to shove it up everyone’s judgemental arses and show them that I had done it. Unfortunately it didn’t last long as I couldn’t produce enough milk for her and she had all her reflux and milk intolerance problems that I moved her to formula. You’re all probably thinking I took the easy way out and I should have carried on trying to breast feed her by cutting out dairy in my own diet, but let me tell you, its one of the most mentally challenging things I’ve gone through. Its not easy to ‘relax’ into breast feeding when you had all the problems with the first baby and then not only do you have to feed a baby but you also now have a two year old who is jealous, needy and possessed by the devil because of the lack of attention.

There is so much pressure I feel on women to breastfeed. Screw the judgemental twats, do what you feel comfortable doing and always trust your instincts. Both of my children are being raised on formula and they are (so far) turning out to be just fine. Don’t ever feel pressured into breast feeding.Don’t think I’m bad mouthing breast feeding because in fact I admire all of you that have had successful attempts and are sticking with it. I had so many nurses that were horrible to me in the hospital forcing me to breast feed Oscar. The stress just became too much for me. Society should be supporting mums, not singling them out because they had to use an alternate method. So mums, carrying on doing what you’re doing, no matter how hard it gets you’re doing it and keeping your child alive.

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2 thoughts on “Breast feeding failure!

  1. For me breastfeeding is such a black and white subject.! I have a friend who has 3 boys all 5 amd under and she has boobie fed all her 3 and they are all thriving. However for me the story is different when i had my son i bottle fed because i felt more comfortable knowing i could measure his intake on feeds… but the main factor was i couldnt seperate the fact that boobs were used sexually but also used to feed your child. However if i was blessed to have another baby i would give breastfeeding a go because afterall it is a natural beautiful thing. But all of this aside mummy’s its really not down to us if breatfeeding happens or not.. its down to your newborn and its mad to think at minutes old they make that like skill choice. So dont feel like a faliure if you couldnt and wanted to because its nothing you did.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve heard from lots of mums that they find it difficult to separate breasts from something sexual to suddenly having to latch a baby on to feed. I think it’s a pretty common thought, I mean up until you have a baby they are used only for sex, that feeling did cross my mind at first but I was so determined to stick with it due to the pressure of breastfeeding that I slowly got used to a baby trying to feed. I am amazed by women who can breast feed with no problems, and I wish I could of been one of those, but I’m not. No one teaches you how to parent, every baby is different. Formula feeding is ok too. Did you ever feel judged for bottle feeding?

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